Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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