I'm lost and stupid without you.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
