BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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