I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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