Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
