I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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