if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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