Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
