She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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