24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
