Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
