my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
