I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
