Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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