your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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