she woke up with a sticky ear
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
