My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
