I want you more than these girls want KFC
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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