like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
