if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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