I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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