My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
