Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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