So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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