i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
