she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
