Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I cannot find my penis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
