thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
