I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
