The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
