a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize