hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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