What a fucking waste of an outfit
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize