is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
