Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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