I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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