she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize