whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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