Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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