If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
