dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
