just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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