Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
