what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
