plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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