Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
