I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
