Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
