so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
