I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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