The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
