Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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