you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize