At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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