i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
