Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
