YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize