Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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