We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
