please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize