I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
