I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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