i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
