How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
