I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
